Michael L.

Response to Essay 2

 

For my second essay, I got 67 out of 100. Which it is kind of dissapointing. But I guess there are some areas that I didn't do well in this essay. On the contray, I think I have improved my writing on my topic sentance since I have stated my point with a supporting quote with it. I must say I do make good points in my essay, however the problem is I would only touched upon it without furthur exploring the idea. In the essay, I make a specific point and provide it with an example relating to the text, then I would tell the audience how this example relates to my point, and then thats it of my paragraph. What I am missing here is I did not furthur explore how it affects the idea since I only mentioned it. And even though I have provide a counter argument for the essay, I have only touched on those points in a surface level instead of exploring it. Furthurmore, I think my writing style and the development of the essay has improved, however my grammar still need some work by proofreading it in a more effective way. The main problem of this essay is the in-depth level of the ideas presented. Instead of being repetitive I think I should focus more on developing and exploring my ideas in to a more in-depth level to make my readers understand the effect of the points I have made.